So this last week has been very difficult for me. Some days are good, others bad. I am slowly regaining movement in my legs. My left leg is almost one hundred percent. I can put pressure on it, move it in all directions and have almost all feeling back. My right leg is another story. It is still fairly numb but the numbness has moved to just around my knee. I can walk on it, and move it sideways and back but I cannot move it forward. As long as I am careful, I can get around the house with the walker and a little on my own. But if I bend my knees too far, then I still am collapsing.
Yesterday, I fell in the bathroom. It happened suddenly and I grabbed for the walker to help me but all I did was completely knock it over. Shawn put Addie down and came rushing in to check on me. I wasn't really in pain but it scared me so bad. I started bawling. I had given up. I felt like I wasn't making any progress and it seemed like this was never going to end. I just kept thinking of all the things I would never do. I would never be trusted to carry Addie from room to room. I would never be able to bend down and play with her. I wouldn't be able to drive anymore. It was such a hard moment for me. Shawn held me and let me cry.
We got ready for bed and I was holding Addie. My heart was breaking. Shawn and I were reading our scriptures and I turned the page and glanced over the new page and my eyes jumped to one verse. It was Helaman 5:47. It reads,"Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world." I started to cry again. The one verse that my eyes saw and that is what it said. Once we were completely ready for bed, I said a long fervent prayer to my Heavenly Father. I prayed for patience and for faith. I prayed for peace and comfort. And then my perspective changed.
I am blessed with the most perfect little baby girl. She is completely healthy and a very happy baby. She sleeps like a charm and nurses so well. We have had no problems with anything. She hardly ever fusses and when she does it just doesn't last very long. She is animated and snuggly. Then I thought of all the things that I can do. I can hold her and love her. I can walk around, albeit with a walker, but I can get around. I can change her and feed her and I can be strong and be positive. This will not beat me. This will only make me stronger.
I know that I will be healed. I know that I will regain my strength and all those things that I desire to do will be available to me. It may take some time but I have a great support system to help me and to help me with Addie. I know that the Lord loves me and that he is aware of my situation. He has blessed me with peace and comfort and strength. I am so grateful for my testimony that He lives and loves us. He died for us and He suffered in Gethsemane. He knows exactly what I am going through and will help me through it. I am now working on getting my strength back and keeping my positive attitude.
This little girl is the reason that I need to be strong! (Isn't she beautiful?!)
6 comments:
Kim all I have to say is that you are AMAZING!! Your Addie is BEAUTIFUL!! I sure hope you continue to heal quickly!! And of course I admire your strength!! I would hope to have as much Faith as you if ever I am in a hard situation!! Sending our love!!
You are amazing! And Addie is absolutely adorable!
Kim, you are such an inspiration!! I cried as I read this, because I see you the happy girl I knew at Kindercare, and hate to think that you are going through this. My prayers are with you and I am so proud of you- She is Beautiful!! Too bad we don't have arranged marriages anymore- I'd pay 10 cows for her to marry my Hunter! HaHaHa! I thought that would make you laugh! Stay positive, you will get through this and then it will just be a story you tell your kids!
Congrats on Addie's birth! The older she gets the more and more worth it all she will be :) We are praying for your recovery.
If you ever have a time when you can't get around and nobody is there to help, you can call me. I'm usually able to drop whatever I'm doing and Cuen is a good helper too!
i am so proud of you. You have amazing faith and you are always such an optimist. Nothing really gets you down. I would LOVE to come and hold that sweet little doll. Can I come soon?? Maybe we'll see you Thanksgiving night... I hope!! Hang in there. :)
Addie is adorable! You are such a strong person. I would love to see you and your cute baby, and I guess your husband too :) when we come and visit my family for Christmas. Hopefully you won't be too busy.
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